Lola Bueno, author: “Marriage as an institution has been around for 6,000 years, but ‘forever’ is the unnatural element”

In her essay “Hasta Que La Via Nos Separe” (“Until Life Do Us Part),” Spanish author Lola Bueno Sanmartin invites readers to look at love through a freer, more human lens, one less constrained by social and economic expectations. In this interview, she shares her thoughts on partnership, single life, housing, social pressure, and emerging models of cohabitation. For Bueno, love doesn’t fail when it ends; it fails when it drags on without purpose.

Love without labels

As Bueno explains, in a world that measures love by its duration, we forget that intensity doesn’t require time, only honesty. Some relationships stretch for years yet barely touch the soul, while others, in just a few days, leave a permanent mark. A fleeting encounter, a candid conversation, a look that reveals something new about ourselves, these moments are love too.

The beauty of human connection isn’t measured in years but in impact. Valuing the brief, the spontaneous, and the unlabeled can show us that love exists everywhere: in an unexpected friendship, a daily gesture, or a goodbye said well. What endures is not the relationship itself but the imprint it leaves. Bueno’s book encourages readers to love freely, communicate honestly, and see that even short-lived connections can be eternal in their intensity.

From personal reflection to social study

Question: What inspired you to write this essay?

Answer: My reflections evolved from analyzing individual experiences to studying them from a collective and social perspective. I realized almost everyone has experienced painful emotional situations, and these affect not only the person directly involved but also their circle. A breakup hurts the person ending the relationship, but also family, friends, and children. Emotional suffering is a global phenomenon.

Challenging the myth of permanent partnership

Q: Do you believe loneliness is a product of today’s living arrangements?

A: It’s wrong to equate loneliness with not having a partner. Marriage has existed for 6,000 years, but the idea of “forever” is unnatural. In the past, you couldn’t dissolve the union because one partner depended financially on the other. Once women entered the workforce, gained financial independence, and divorce became accessible, the dynamics changed. Permanent partnerships have always been flawed, but now we can freely end a relationship that no longer works.

How housing shapes emotional freedom

Q: How does access to housing affect emotional and relational stability?

A: Everything is connected. Many people stay together for economic reasons, they can’t afford two separate households. If the average salary is around $1,700 per month and rent is $950, society tells us we have to stay coupled to survive. Sharing expenses ties people together emotionally, making it difficult for those who want to remain single.

The social stigma of being single

Q: Does society penalize being single?

A: Absolutely, and social pressure remains strong, especially for women. Divorce is still seen as failure, and singles are often viewed as “not yet” on the right path. Yet many singles live emotionally rich, balanced lives, often more so than couples. Mindsets need to shift, singlehood should be recognized as a valid choice, not a deficiency.

Love in a digital world

Q: How do you see relationships evolving in a digital era?

A: Romantic relationships will continue, and some will be beautiful. But when a relationship stops adding value, it should end. We’ve been told to find “our soulmate” for life, and failing to do so causes frustration. The natural state is being alone yet connected to a community, not necessarily coupled. Relationships should be measured by quality, not duration.

New definitions of partnership

Q: Are young people redefining what it means to be in a couple?

A: I see teenagers who dream of marriage but also young women who know what they won’t tolerate. Teaching them to set boundaries, respect themselves, and walk away from harmful situations is crucial. Choosing not to endure is now an option that didn’t exist before. More people are opting out of traditional partnerships, allowing the next generation to see all possibilities as valid.

Exploring alternative living arrangements

Q: What models of cohabitation do you propose?

A: Some matriarchal societies avoid domestic violence because couples don’t live together. I advocate for communal residential models with private spaces, similar to a dorm or aparthotel. This allows for affordable and freer living, enabling emotional choices without financial pressure. Everything is connected: housing, emotions, freedom.

Reception and next steps

Q: How has your essay been received?

A: I’m grateful for my editor’s trust, and social media reviews have been positive. I wrote it believing that understanding the clash between our emotional needs and societal structures could reduce suffering. Knowing readers have reflected and reconsidered their own situations is deeply rewarding.

Q: Will you continue exploring these topics?

A: Yes. Our emotional well-being is too dependent on romantic partnerships. I’m preparing a follow-up. I’ve presented my research at the ISSA’s 4th Conference, discussing alloparenting, community, and friendship. Groups like Incels blame women for singlehood, but as singles cease to be stigmatized, significant social changes will follow.

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