Holiday season is nearly here: psychologists recommend some steps to keep you sane when things get crazy

The holiday season in America, the stretch from Thanksgiving through New Year’s, is supposed to be the happiest time of year. But for many, it’s anything but. Between family dynamics, social pressure and the expectation to be endlessly cheerful, the weeks ahead can leave people more anxious than joyful.

For some, family gatherings bring old wounds to the surface. Estranged relatives, political arguments or in-laws who just don’t mix well can turn a cheerful dinner into a minefield. And sometimes, the stress can spiral into real conflict. In one widely reported case in Florida, a Thanksgiving argument in 2009 ended in tragedy when a family fight turned violent — an extreme example, but one that underlines how easily emotions can boil over when tension, alcohol and expectation collide.

Why is the Holiday Season so difficult?

Psychologists say the problem isn’t just bad or difficult behavior — it’s pressure. The holidays are full of “shoulds”: you should be with family, you should be happy, you should be grateful. When real life doesn’t match that picture, guilt and resentment take hold. The season often comes loaded with expectations: where to be, what to do and who to see. Sometimes the stress isn’t just about meeting others’ demands but also about the pressure people put on themselves to make everything perfect.

Think about what you want this holiday season

Before the season starts, it helps to get clear about how you actually feel. Are you visiting family because you want to, or because you feel you have to? Maybe it’s guilt, tradition or simply fear of causing a scene. Whatever your reason, acknowledge it. Recognising that you’re making a choice — even a complicated one — restores a sense of control, which makes dealing with conflict or difficult emotions easier.

Once you’ve decided you’re going, or hosting, build a plan to look after yourself before and during. Exercise, take a walk, meditate, journal or dive into a creative hobby — anything that keeps your mind present and calm. Before the event, try not to dwell on what might go wrong. Constant worry only stresses the nervous system. Instead, focus on the positives: seeing your favourite relatives, sharing old memories, enjoying good food or simply getting a break from work.

What to do if your family always tend to conflict

If family conflict is your personal holiday tradition, how you communicate can make or break the experience. Many people grew up in homes where emotions were dismissed or exploded into shouting matches, and those patterns resurface under stress. One approach that therapists often recommend is Nonviolent Communication, developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s and 1970s. It’s based on four steps: state what you observed, name how you feel, express what you need and make a clear request.

For example: “When I hear conversations about my politics, I feel uncomfortable. I need to feel safe to enjoy being here. Can we please avoid those topics tonight?”

It’s not magic, but it can stop a small disagreement from turning into a family war.

Planning for what often happens

If your family has a history of conflict, it helps to anticipate trouble rather than react to it. Think about what tends to set people off and plan how you’ll respond. Identify someone you can call or text if you need a moment of support. Use grounding techniques — deep breathing, mindfulness, a short walk or even a weighted blanket — to calm your body. Rehearse what you’ll say if someone crosses a boundary, and plan how you’ll decompress afterwards. Preparation doesn’t make you paranoid. It makes you resilient.

And remember, you’re always allowed to leave. If the tension becomes too much or your boundaries aren’t respected, it’s perfectly fine to go home. Deciding beforehand how long you want to stay and where your limits are can make the day itself more manageable. If you reach your limit, you might simply say: “I’m noticing I feel overwhelmed and need some space, so I’m going to head out now.” That’s not rudeness — that’s self-respect.

Planning to avoid what usually happens

A little practical planning can also head off problems before they start. Organise meals and chores early so no one feels overburdened — especially whoever’s cooking. Build in downtime and lighthearted activities: family walks, games, decorating, a favourite movie. And be cautious with alcohol. A few drinks can help people relax, but too many can strip away emotional control. Alcohol and family tension are a bad mix; it’s often the spark that reignites old fires.

Plan for the worst - hope for the best

Despite the stress, the holidays can still bring moments of warmth and reconnection. Families can surprise you. Often, the event we dread ends up going better than we feared. When people prepare emotionally, they handle things with more grace.

So don’t aim for perfection — aim for peace. If you take care of yourself, stay grounded and manage expectations, you may find the holidays are not just survivable, but meaningful.

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